Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
