She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
