If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
