I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
