Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
