made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
