I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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