I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
