your room smells of hookers.
And success
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
