My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
