I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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