Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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