Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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