i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
