The maid of honor just puked.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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