i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
