we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
