I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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