Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
