My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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