just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
