Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
