i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
