So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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