I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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