she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
