You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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