Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
