You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
