absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
