I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
