I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
