hotel room ftw
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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