Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
