I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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