i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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