finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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