the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
