you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
