He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
