i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
