I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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