It's like a parade of train wrecks.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
