i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
