Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
