The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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