if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
