Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
