I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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