He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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