wat bout pragnant strippers??
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
