Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize