My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I will pee on everything he values.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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