I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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