Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
