I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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