im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
