so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize