I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
