Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize