I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
