Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
