I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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