'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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