Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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