I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
