i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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