If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
