God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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