I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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