My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
