don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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