He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We named our party play list daddy issues
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
