GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
