I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize