Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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