Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
