Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
