Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
