I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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