What did we do last night that was yellow?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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