dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Bring me that man meat
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
