My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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