First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
