Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
