need another drink. this is the easiest way
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
