U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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