Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
