I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
