Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
