I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
