Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
