Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
