I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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