So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
we're making bets on your personal life
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
