You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize