You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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