3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
