I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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