My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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