I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
