I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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