you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
