you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
