Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
