I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
