not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
