Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
